The Krabby Kronicle

I miss doing press work.

That’s probably why I especially enjoyed watching The Krabby Kronicle today.

Yes, you guessed right, anything with the word “krabby” in it for sure has something to do with SpongeBob Squarepants. I’ve written before about my fondness for this cartoon character, and watching him pretend to be a journalist was the ultimate entertainment!

I tried to source the video of the show to share it here but Nickelodeon is very protective of their materials ... so I got a transcript of some of my favorite bits of the show:

Mr Krabs decides to launch his own newspaper when he realizes that the newspaper business “sure is easy money”, so he tells SpongeBob:

- Mr. Krabs: Off of your duff, boy. I expect you to wear two hats. 'Cause along with your usual fry cooking duties, you're my new lead reporter for the new Krabby Kronicle!”

But SpongeBob’s first story does not sell newspapers: he decided to write about Patrick Star watching a pole:

- Mr. Krabs: When you write these stories you've gotta use a little imagination, boy.

- SpongeBob: Imagination!

- Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Maybe instead of Man watches pole, you could say something like... oh... Man marries pole. Then you can alter the photo a little to fit the headline and, see? (Mr. Krabs modified it to look like what he said) Now that's a juicy story!

- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, isn't that lying?

- Mr. Krabs: Don't think of it as lying, boy. Think of it as... uh... A practical joke. You know. Something everybody can have a good laugh about. The public expects a little embellishment here and there, so I want you to go out there, and get me a lead story that will sell!

See? This is why I miss doing press work. No offense, but characters as entertaining as the ones above are only found on TV cartoons and in certain media outlets!